In Early Childhood…and Beyond

Self regulation is pretty synonymous with self-control but with some added depth and breadth. It includes self-efficacy, responsibility & accountability, moderating behavior, maintaining balance both within and without, responding appropriately, being proactive vs. reactive, and a combination of self-confidence and empowerment.. In a nutshell, self-regulation is learning to regulate one’s own physical, emotional, and cognitive processes in healthy, pro-active ways in order to be successful across several domains of life. It is critical for both success and happiness.

Almost all problem-situations that evoke anger, sadness or fear activate some degree of reptilian brain response where the only options we can access are to fight, run, or freeze. In order to move back up into our neo-cortex where higher level thinking skills can be accessed for problem solving, we must de-activate these lower brain options of fight or flight. We do this by learning physical calming skills such as, repetitive, patterned, rhythmic movements such as going for a walk, deep breathing, stretching, slowly counting to 10 or removing yourself from the situation. To try to reason with someone when they are stuck in their reptilian brain is unproductive and creates even more frustration. We need to teach children:

• How to recognize the warning signs that they are moving down into their reptilian brains: heart beats faster, face feels hot and gets red., stomach feels tight or upset, headaches, fists clinch, voice gets louder, etc.

• How to get SAFE …it is wonderful to have a “safe spot” where a child can go to calm down. A physical place or a place inside themselves where they feel comfortable and non-threatened.

• How to practice the physical calming skills named above, when they are in a non-stressed state.

Teach children how to:

• Accurately identify emotions, their own and those of others

• Own and accept responsibility for their feelings. Often children believe that others or certain events “make” them feel a certain way, thus creating feelings of disempowerment . Help children to understand that they can control their feelings. Others can influence their feelings but we choose how we will react. “You can’t make me laugh” is a good game to play to show that you have control over whether you react or not.

• Express their emotions in healthy appropriate ways… talking to an adult about how they are feeling is always a great option and good beginning in learning how to do this.

Again, these are skills that need to be taught and practiced when the child is not feeling strong, negative emotions.

This higher skill level involves more critical thinking, self monitoring, and the development of insight. Cognitive regulation involves developing the abilities to modify our thoughts and beliefs, plan responses, process events, problem-solve, and prevent problems. Before these skills are worked on, a child should have well-developed physical calming skills, be able to identify and express emotions in healthy ways, and accept that he she can exercise control over his/her own physical and emotional responses,

Teach children how to:

• Plan

• Prevent

• Use strengths and Interests

• Analyze which of their 3 major needs (autonomy, competence, and connection) is not being met and learn alternative ways to meet it.

• Challenge unhealthy, exaggerated/extreme thoughts…(everyone is against me…I always…I never…This is horrible) and learn how to replace them with healthier ones (sometimes…some people…This is tolerable)

Research is finding that Self Regulation is a universal skill that is directly related to success in every major area of functioning. It is a cornerstone of childhood development that cuts across all domains of behavior. It predicts academic success better than IQ and is highly correlated with longevity and wellbeing.

And the final good news is: if we, the adults, find we could benefit from a few more of these skills ourselves…know: IT IS TOO LATE TOO NEVER LEARN THEM.

Mary Orlando, Director of the Early Childhood Program

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